I brought a puzzle of myself to Jamaica. My dear friend Carolina made a collage of photos from our trip to Peru and had it made into a puzzle. It’s the most thoughtful gift I’ve ever received. I do love puzzles but this one is special. It almost looks like glass. My cabin is dark so I have to turn my cell phone flashlight on to sort and configure the pieces into place. Puzzles help me slow down, trick me into an easy meditation, and give my eyes a much needed break from computer screens.
Today I felt lonely and a bit restless. The beginnings of the week tends to be jam packed, overwhelming, with no breaks in between. By the end of the week, things have calmed but I find it hard to calm down with them. I’ve picked up yoga again, I love you Adriene, and hit the jump rope whenever the mood strikes. I’m feeling guilty for not doing more here, for not having seen any waterfalls, not hiked through the mountains, and not gotten lost. I’ve started to ponder my need for constant stimulation. I am a self proclaimed collector of experiences. I want to grow, learn, and explore. This past year has not slowed me down. Rivers were explored, biking around Manhattan was part of the routine, and there was always a cabin or weekend retreat around the corner.
I’m thinking of this as one last burst of solitude before spring is in full swing. Trying to master my thoughts, slow my breathing, and reduce my pace. I find myself rushing through the morning meetings and as soon as the last zoom meeting ends rushing out my house to partake in any outdoor, lively activity. This panic that the day is coming to a close is only in my mind. Advice to myself, sit, breathe, and ponder instead of running, forgetting, and speeding through whatever the afternoon activities may be.